


More Than a Friend, More Than a Partner

by PoisonousSakura



Category: Persona 4
Genre: (but he's working on it!), (in the middle), Dialogue Heavy, Internalized Homophobia, Kanji gets no sleep in this one rip, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phone Calls, Pining, Yosuke contemplates his relationship with Yu at 3 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26037085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonousSakura/pseuds/PoisonousSakura
Summary: But lately, he can't stop thinking about Yu.Google search: Am i gayGoogle search: Am i in love with my best friendAnd then it hits him: Kanji likes guys.Before he can think it through, Yosuke is dialing Kanji's number.(Yosuke is struggling to understand his feelings towards Yu. He calls Kanji for advice.)
Relationships: Amagi Yukiko/Satonaka Chie, Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Shirogane Naoto/Tatsumi Kanji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 118





	More Than a Friend, More Than a Partner

It had been a long day, a slight chill running through the August air at a rain-soaked Samegawa, where Yu and Yosuke sat carefully on tree stumps, talking while looking over the calm waters. The sun is just beginning to set, and Yu gives a heartwarming smile as he waves to Yosuke, walking away.

Now the day is over, and Yosuke is worried. 

He’s worried, because lately, he can’t stop looking at Yu.

Yu’s hair, shining warm grey in the waning sunlight, Yu’s delicate pink lips, stuck in a soft smile when he looks back at Yosuke. The way his hand carefully picks at bass strings, presses on trombone keys. Each little intricacy in his movements, his actions becoming increasingly captivating, exhilarating. 

He finds himself hunched over his laptop, worriedly thinking on what exactly to Google, a blanket comfortably wrapped around his shoulders. The screen burns his eyes and he can hardly see the keys in the dark, but he doesn’t notice over his racing thoughts, resounding loudly in his head. 

Yu is really good looking, and Yosuke definitely isn’t gay - even if he values Yu’s opinions over everyone else’s, even if he would rather go out on a long ride with Yu instead of retrying the ‘up close and personal’ plan. 

He manages to focus, steadying his thoughts as much as he can, given the situation, and takes a deep breath. He carefully breathes out and quickly types a question into the search bar: 

‘Am i gay’ 

His eyes fly over blog posts, articles, quizzes. There are so many questions, so many intricacies to his situation, that he doesn’t know where to start.

He takes one quiz, then another, another, another. 

_Gay, not gay, not gay, bisexual._

_Bisexual?_

_This isn’t going anywhere._

‘How to tell if you like your best friend’

‘Am i in love with my best friend’

But there’s still too many questions and virtually no answers, and when he thinks of Yu, he gets a warm feeling in his chest and a fresh wave of worry. 

He feels confused. Hopeless. He doesn’t know what he feels or what he is or what he plans on doing about it, but he’s ready to give up and think about it some other day. 

He pauses, hands slowly dragging down his face in defeat. His mind runs in circles, blankly staring at a new tab, and he finally comes upon the obvious realization that Kanji likes guys. Before Yosuke can fully think this through, he’s dialing Kanji’s number. The phone rings for a long, anxious while, and he finally picks up halfway through the last ring. When he answers, however, Yosuke realizes he didn’t plan out what to say.

“Yosuke-senpai?” 

Kanji’s voice crackles groggily through the phone. 

“‘S somethin’ wrong?” 

He’s trying to be concerned, despite tiredness being evident before anything else.

“Well no, but-“

“It’s 3 A.M, dude. Call me again and I’ll beat the crap outta you.” 

_Click._

The phone call is over before Yosuke realizes it. 

Yosuke is re-dialing Kanji’s number before he realizes it. 

This time, he picks up on the first ring. 

“Whaddaya want?” 

Yosuke can hear the annoyance just as prominent as the tiredness, and quietly accepts that Kanji will most definitely not pass up the opportunity to punch him in the jaw tomorrow.

“Well, I need your help,” 

Kanji is quiet, and Yosuke wonders if he's asleep on the other end. 

“My friend thinks they like their best friend, and I think you can help them out.” 

He hopes with his entire being that Kanji doesn’t see through his lie.

_Yu would_ , he notes, and now something inside of him is loudly worrying that Yu doesn’t like him as much as Yosuke likes him, in whatever sense that means. 

_Partners? Friends? Something...else?_

“You know I don’t care about that stuff, man. Call Rise-chan, instead.” 

Kanji responds, huffing out a sigh in between sentences. 

“Just hear me out. Please?” 

He’s embarrassed even _thinking_ about what to say next. He’s embarrassed that he’s begging _Kanji_ of all people for relationship advice.

“They’re...both guys, Kanji.” 

_Silence._

There’s pure, gut-wrenching silence for 10 seconds. 20, Yosuke thinks, holding his breath in nervous anticipation. 

“It’s cool if you don’t want to talk about it or whatever, but I _really_ need your help.” 

He continues, not even sure if Kanji is still on the phone. 

“Are you _sure_ you can’t just ask Rise-chan? What about Yu-senpai? They would probably know about relationships.” 

Yosuke nearly freezes when he hears Kanji mention Yu. 

_Yeah, I’m totally going to talk to Yu about this. It’s not like I’m having mixed feelings about the guy right now or anything._

_“_ Kanji, I just-“

Yosuke brings his hand to his face instinctively, flustered, trying to find his words. 

“I just think it would help more to hear it from you.” 

More silence. Kanji doesn’t even seem to be breathing at the other end of the call. 

“Well, okay, if you need my help that bad.” 

Yosuke breathes out a small sigh of relief.

“But if anyone hears about this, I’m gonna beat your ass into a bloody pulp.” 

“Okay, okay! No one’s gonna hear about it, promise.”

He insists, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself. 

“Better not.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence; Kanji is waiting for Yosuke to start the conversation, and Yosuke is hoping that Kanji will start. _How would he even start this?_

“Um...”

Yosuke manages to stammer out, frantically trying to think of the right questions to ask. 

“Well,”

He silently reminds himself that this is ‘for his friend’ and has absolutely nothing to do with Yu Narukami. 

“How...did you know you liked Naoto,” 

He continues, hesitantly, quietly. 

“back when we thought...she was a boy?”

Yosuke rushes through the latter half of the question, unsure if he had passed any boundaries. Kanji is quiet, trying his best to trust in Yosuke’s earlier promise, rather than nervously avoiding the question. 

"Well, I just thought she was cute and smart, and I wanted to get to know 'er." 

He finally answers after a long pause, gradually becoming quieter as the sentence goes on.

"Yeah, we all think she's cute and smart, but...what's different?" 

"Well, I felt a little self-conscious, I guess. Like, I wanted her to think I was cool and stuff." 

"Like...you cared about her opinion a lot?" 

Yosuke's stomach feels like it's being tied in knots.

"Well, yeah."

_It's perfectly normal to really care about your best friend's opinions._

He's tapping his fingers along his collarbone, listening to the dull noise as he thinks of something else to say. He's still confused and there's so much to ask, but there's only so much he can say without letting it slip that he is 'the friend' he claims to be helping.

"Uh, well, that's not all, right?"

He's rushing through his words again, voice becoming high pitched as he draws connections between Kanji's feelings and his own. 

"I, um." 

Kanji is biting his lip on the other end of the line, a warm feeling creeping in his chest as he thinks of his next statement. 

"I always wanted to see her smile, and I kept getting this...warm kinda feeling in my chest when I was around her. 'S like I had sunburn on my chest, except it wasn't bad or nothin'."

He can feel his face heating up, embarrassment seeping into his thoughts as he cuts himself off. 

"Hey, I need to head back to bed," 

Yosuke's heart is racing just as fast as his thoughts, and he has to make a point of keeping his voice steady as he wishes Kanji a rushed 'good night,' thanking him for his help and apologizing for disturbing him this late. 

And then, he's alone with his thoughts yet again. 

He can't stop thinking, comparing bits of what Kanji feels to what he feels - little moments where he catches himself staring at Yu, feeling his heart flutter when he smiles, warmly, kindly at Yosuke. The way Yu touches him, so casually, so intimately, in a way that Yosuke finds himself absentmindedly tracing over where Yu's hand once was, chasing after it's warmth. Yu, who held him close, let him cry into his shoulder until he couldn't cry anymore. 

Yosuke thinks that somehow, he might, just _maybe_ like Yu. 

He clenches his fists, gradually relaxing as the fatigue catches up to him. His face is hot and his stomach is uneasy, the blanket around him is becoming uncomfortably warm. 

_It's okay,_

He reminds himself, thinking of Kanji, the manliest man he knows, who just so happens to like guys and girls. 

_It's okay,_ ****

He reassures himself, thinking of Chie and Yukiko, who are so deeply in love that he can't think of any fairytale with a happier pair.

**_It's okay,_ **

He finally starts to believe, thinking of a night when Yu sat him down and told him that it's not wrong that Kanji likes guys, that Chie and Yukiko aren't just 'best friends,' but they're still their closest friends and maybe his 'jokes' weren't in the best taste - if he has anything to talk about, Yu would be there, whenever. Yu was passionate about it - he was passionate about everything he did - but Yosuke had a jarring feeling that Yu was holding back about something as he ended the conversation, promising to help Yosuke be more aware of his actions. 

He takes a deep breath, silently closing his laptop and setting it aside. The nervous searing in his chest reduces to a low burn, lingering negative thoughts being pushed to the back of his mind as best as he could. He feels around the unused side of his bed, blindly finding his headphones and mp3 player, hoping that music would somehow distract him from his worries, already regaining their place in the forefront of his mind. 

His hands work quickly to simultaneously untuck hair from under his headphones and select a song, focusing intently as the beat starts, then the bass, guitar, synth, each new intricacy consuming more of his thoughts. After 3 songs, Yosuke is tapping his foot to the beat, eyes closed as he lays, focused on the music. He lets out a breath, slow and calculated as he pauses the beginning of song 4. 

_'I'm not going to run from myself anymore.'_

He remembers a promise he made, to both himself and Yu. He can relax - _really_ relax - rather than just distracting himself now, those words resonating in his brain, replacing negative feelings with gentle determination. Determination to get better - for those around him, for himself. When he looks back on himself from a year ago, it somehow encourages him even more. It was difficult, yes, with hours spent alone, a mantra of 

_'stupid, weak,_ **_worthless'_ **

repeating incessantly, but now that he's sitting here, as someone 'special' to his friends, living to cherish each passing day, he would go through it all again, just to get back here. 

_'I'm not going to run from myself anymore.'_

also means that when he thinks of Yu again, it's okay when he gets a fluttery feeling in his chest, because if that's what he feels, then there's nothing he can do to change it. It's a part of him, and that's okay. Yu taught him that.

With newfound resolve, Yosuke decides that someday, he'll tell Yu how he feels. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday, he wishes to be able to hold Yu close as he tells him that he likes him - a bit more than a friend, a bit more than a partner. 

Yosuke, unfortunately, hadn't noticed Yu sneaking glances at him when his attention was elsewhere, hadn't noticed him leaning in a bit closer than necessary when they share Yu's earbuds. 

Somehow, Yosuke hasn't realized that Yu has loved him for months. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Y'all remember Quotev? Because I do. And I wish I didn't.  
> Thanks to my two friends (who I will henceforth be referring to as EA sports) for requesting something dialogue heavy and inspiring me to create this bs.


End file.
